Writings
Thoughts of You
I was thinking how when there is someone we want to get to know more ...
The idea of that person occupies our thoughts.
The little moments of silence where our minds wander and we relive moments shared.
Our stomachs fill with butterflies and we also get consumed with excitement about the prospect of when we will see that person again.
And we turn into little kids with a childlike nervousness.
June 01, 2024
Memories
The only things that we keep and own are the stories we went and told,
For all the possessions we have bought,
Will be carried on and be considered an afterthought.
Nov 27, 2023
When You're Away
You didn’t love me,
But despite you I learned to love myself,
And when you are away,
Sending me pics of your body,
I start to feel naughty,
The cat and mouse play,
But when we are alone,
You tease and not please,
And when you leave,
I feel a bit naughty,
Picturing your body touching my body,
Your hands caressing my lips,
As my hands touch your hips,
And you’d whisper, “I wish the distance wouldn’t inhibit my resistance.”
While the sight of you smiling at any silly joke - Would be enough to make me reminisce.
And I’m picturing your body touching my body,
The smell of your skin around your neck when we hug our hellos and goodbyes,
These moments are always gone so quickly,
And it seems like these moments are destined to dissolve,
As when you go is when you get a bit naughty.
Nov. 18, 2023
Sleepless Night
Flickering lights,
evening news,
channel surfing to avoid real life,
maybe catch a cartoon,
weather channel to watch typhoons,
hey! it's that episode where Ross plays the fool,
It's 2 in the morning,
and the news at two seems like a rerun show with a host,
Stylized opinions,
Flashy jokes,
And little truth... Just enough to keep a fool ill-informed.
The night turns to a lighter hue of blue,
The news cycle is about to renew,
As Sports Center begins a-new.
July 2015
In the depth
Empty is this vessel set adrift on this platform,
I've been walking for days, months, and a year,
I can't find anything to fill my body,
People come and go,
moments and memories of the present fade as I go,
But you,
you remain wrecking destruction in my soul.
the life we lead was not perfect,
but perfect enough to smile,
perfect enough to last 3 years and make plans,
I changed to become what you wanted,
I gave of myself to make you feel I was who you wanted,
Now, I'm a fraction of the man I used to be,
A man-turned-boy seeking the acceptance of others.
we traveled the world and conquered our fears,
depended on each other to keep this world at bay,
outsiders saw us as best friends,
and in my heart, I saw us as one.
Two different souls engaged in a goal... happiness.
As a lie turns to time to become whispers of truths,
I saw in your eyes when that moment arrived.
And I lied to myself than you had lied to me.
Believing in the promises we had dreamt of the other day.
Believing that this too shall pass,
but in my heart, I knew this was the day of the end.
And the countdown had begun months before.
Jacque Cousteau spent his life in the depths of the sea,
A year later and I'm still in the bay of finding that mystical day,
where the thought of you will be a haze.
And the emotions I bore and expressed disappear with the dark of depth.
July 2020
Trying to keep it together
Traveling through different dimensions,
Trying to get the sophistication down pat,
I keep on getting this night wrong,
I thought about letting go.
Maybe it's supposed to go all wrong.
And it's not long 'til the night turns to dusk and this relationship is lights off.
Woke up feeling hangover,
My brain has been running all night long ...
Going over every reaction,
Roses?
sunflowers?
Lillies?
Flowers?
I'm running self-doubt Marathons,
Mastering the wrong move on every occasion,
Velvet cake?
Carrot cake?
A multitude of scenarios,
Each meaning a special occasion.
Maybe I should have been paying more attention,
I can tell this is break or nigh,
Fireworks to distract,
Light up the night,
Force a new day in sight.
Trying not to break,
Bending time and reason,
Some things are worth lighting up the sky,
Maybe tonight's dimension will coordinate the flowers and cakes,
Who knows?
I'm barely keeping sleep,
the days seem to roll into one,
and her face is all I see at the end of every episode.
Love
You can't truly love without trust.
And without respect, you can't truly love.
Shadows into Particles
I feel like a fraction of what I used to be like,
a ghost rambling without a purpose,
parts of me dissolve into particles and I don't know where to go,
maybe I'm lost
maybe I'm stuck in the past - to the news of yesterday,
just as the newspapers disintegrates into a moment of despair...holding onto every single gasp of air that whispered lies and fibs of how much you cared.
Breaking the patterns that keep me in this darkness.
This failure of what you meant.
This self loathing sentiment of sadness when I think of us.
And I feel like a truck could go through me,
and my soul will keep its host to make me feel the despair of barely living,
loving the constant body ache that feeds the pain that doesn't compare to the crazy glued, scotch-taped parts that is my heart.
And I'm a fraction of hope. The part that feels insecure and lost.
A shadow waiting to dissolve by following the light at the end of the hall,
but that light doesn't come fast enough.
I'm a ghost,
a fraction of the fool who was hopelessly hoping the idea of hope would bring us full circle,
But now I'm just particles. Clinging on to a self who used to love rather than feel lost,
And the wind blows, as parts of me fade,
Maybe if I disappear,
Maybe if I desolve,
Maybe if my soul were to let go,
Maybe then, I'd be free.
Written in Kampot, Cambodia 09/2020
El Beso Mas Triste
Este es el cuento del beso más triste.
Es trieste por que ya a terminado,
Dependiendo de las memorias...
Este beso acaba contando cuentos y se refiere desde ahora al pasado.
Estas vidas previamente tenían maravillas,
Estos labios juntados por 2 almas perdidas y desconocidas,
Buscando esperanza y aventuras,
Países desconocidos y paraísos nunca vistos,
Los dos decidieron caminar el mundo hacia lo visto en libros y contando entre amigos.
Este beso solo cuenta un lado de este beso triste.
A el… el alma de ella le parecía un hogar,
No era donde estaban o en la situación donde se encontraban,
El sonreír de ella y el calor de su cuerpo en el medio de la pasión a el le inspiraba.
Sus besos le inclinaban a pensar en un mañana,
Tranquilo y sin ego este hombre construía un futuro para ella.
Sus deseos y pensamientos el realizaba poco a poco,
Sin saber que cada beso contaba hacia el cero.
Entre países y distancia,
El miraba al reloj y pensaba: "Un día seriamos solamente los dos,"
Y en su mirada él se fijaba,
Aunque nunca satisfecha - él se inspiraba,
el buscaba por castillos y paraisos
Y en sus sueños ella lo encontraba.
Pero mitad de este beso le pertenecía a su amante, su mejor amiga.
La mujer que un día tomaría su propia aventura y construía paredes que se veian desde el espacio,
Admirado por los arquitectos chinos.
Tristemente este beso ya no cuenta cuentos nuevos,
En la distancia de sus dueños,
Este beso concluye un cuento.
Written in December 2019 in Shenzhen, China
End of Your Day
I woke up with this feeling,
This feeling the world was gonna come to an end,
So it's time to repent... For the sins we've laid to bed,
This is gonna be a dreadful day,
War is up ahead and little girls gone astray,
repent,
There's no exit sign up ahead,
Just the master of sin waiting...
Devil says, Hello, why don't you come in,
Take off your shoes,
Slip into something comfortable,
You're up next,
No one escapes this one-way train,
No need to repent,
You're already here,
Halfway to the end,
The flames that light the way,
FIRE,
Your soul has come to light the flames that light the way,
There's no getting away,
No need to repent,
There's no getting away,
No need to repent,
You'll forever burn,.
FIRE,
and this will be your dreadful day,
So enjoy your time,
Keep that smile,
For your sanity is about to come to an end.